Or perhaps I was having my first ever panic attack.
Folks, there is truly no way I could ever explain all the hullabaloo that was taking place in my body the morning WBMB’s page was being published on Facebook (Welcome Facebook peeps~). Since I’m sorta certain that wasn’t a band outside my door on that rain-soaked morning, then I’m pretty dayum sure the beat I was hearing and feeling was my heart just athummpin away!!!!
Which would then explain why my breath was all raggedy.
Causing sweat to break out on my upper lip.
And the butterflies in my stomach to flutter about like they were dancing away at a Prince concert.
I don’t know what the heck was going on inside my body ALL I do know is I was on an adrenaline rush of gigantism proportions.
Having worked the night before at our local Irish pub (read a lil sumpin sumpin about that here~Yasss honey yasss~) and getting home and into bed around two in the morning I was not the least bit amused when my body thought it would be a good idea for us to wake up just a mere two hours later and start our day.
However the excitement mixed with the hope that was coursing through my body was more awaking than 20 alarm clocks ever could be. Will admit, faith at that precise moment was only being found in mighty small doses and was beginning to play havoc with my thoughts.
Closing my eyes, taking a deep breath I breathed a prayer knowing I had followed Heavenly guidance to this point and I was not alone in this adventure that was going to be taking me FAR OUTSIDE my comfort zone. With renewed faith, got myself up stumbled to the kitchen, poured myself a cup of ambition, yawning stretchin just tryin to come alive (yep I just Dolly Partoned y’all. Hope I doesn’t cause any ear worms today)
Here the deal y’all…
I was skard,
Feeling like I was waking from that dream…
You know the one….
where you’re walking around high school and by third period you FINALLY realize that you have no pants on. And then begin wondering why in the world your best friends from Ms. Nelson’s drama class didn’t give you a little heads up on what kind of hot mess you were that day.
That was the kind skard vulnerability I was feeling on that particular morning.
For up until that point the blog had only been shared with family, my most trusted of friends, and a few million strangers out on the world-wide web. Gratefully it had been received well, with ample praise and helpful and loving guidance.
But, still, up until that point, the feedback was only coming from those who didn’t know me at all or from those who loved me most.
It’s a whole different kind of feeling of exposure when photos are being seen and words are being read by childhood friends, cousins, mentors…folks whose money I use to manage…oh lawdy be is it ever!
So as I sat at the computer that morning literally shaking while praying for the words to write, when an unexpected knock came from my door.
Opening it I almost began to cry seeing my friend and tech guru standing there with a gigantic cup of iced ambition. Her presences brought about a calmness that I needed at that precise moment and ffinally, after hours of frettin’ the words started pourin out and the ‘publish’ button was just about to be pushed when the nerves started rolling in again.
My friend offered wisdom, with words I’d said to her in the past…
take a pause,
get out of your head, into your body and right on into this moment,
everything else can wait.
Within minutes of doing so, my heart was once of again full of hope, joy, love, and faith and I hit the one button that had brought about so much stress in my otherwise carefree life.
And just like Big Daddy’s (everyone in my family as well as most of my friends and even God…aka Big Daddy, has a pet name) typical fashion…
He began showing off.
Showing off BIG!
And He never stopped.
Thank you ALL for beautifully receiving the blog so warmly and for ALL the wonderful words of encouragement. I am blessed beyond measure by the outpouring of love that has been given and felt.