Y’all my sass got derailed.
And boy howdy was it a train wreck.
It’s been going all heather and thither of late and side swiping others along its way. And while I’ve still been lively, flirty, cheeky, confident, full of spirit, fun, and most likely seen as my “normal” sassy self by others…
I have felt and known the difference.
Sass is so much a part of me that it is unconsciously exuded within my fun and silly antics, my laughter, how I interact with another, how I talk, behave, heck sass even impacts the way I walk. It is enjoyable to me to bring fun, lovibility, happiness, flirtyness to life and laughter to any and all things. But when my sass derailed, some how my natural state of being…became an effort.
Lawdy be, just writing that sounds funny….
it is an effort for me to be ME!!?!?!?!?
But it was and as hard as I tried I could not conjuror my sassy spirit without exertion.
Then today a mirror was held up, by a dear kindred spirit, my ‘biscuit boy’ (a post on biscuit boys is acomin’ in the very near future…and its going to be a fun one!). This loving friend and his mirror reminded me to be gentle with myself. Helping me to remember that even the light of chronically fun-loving, free-spirited, life of the party, ohhh so sassy folks can dim from time to time.
Realized also, while talking to him, that this is truly an uncomfortable place for me to be. Actually, in full transparency, this place that has caused my flirt, my humor, my amusement and levity for life to become more of an endeavor than an instinct…is fucking scary (sorry for the language momma, but it is). And I, like many others, will try to avoid that which is scary.
Often, when scared, I’ll close in, get real still, even hold my breath. As if in doing so the scariness won’t see me and move away. Sometimes when scared I’ll run away as I did on Sunday (The Riverbank~ talks a bit about me doing just that) seeking solace and answers outside of myself. Usually these tactics are but a short-term fix, with no long-term effectiveness. For all too often that which is scary is still there when I move, breathe and return from life on the run.
So when my biscuit boy and his mirror reminded me to be gentle on myself it resonated at a deep level. And that’s exactly what I ama doing…being gentle all while reigniting my sass.
Who knows when my non laboring sass will return to its fun-loving effervescent ways. Until then I will be, breathe, all while gently putting the wheels back on the sassy express rails and await its crazy ass sassified return.